Handling Failure

I was the one who broke the bad news to a friend who was not in Manila when the bar exam results were released. I was talking to him on the phone as I read through the names – which did not include his.

I really didn’t know how to handle the situation. It was obvious from my voice that I was still excited from my own success, but at the same time, I had to show that I commiserate with his pain. And I really did. But how can one share in the pain while he is in extreme joy? Tell me.

There were other very close friends and some acquaintances of mine who suffered the same fate. Some of them even congratulated me but expressly asked not for me to text back. In my mind, I could hear them crying.

I wish I could in any way lessen the pain and depression, but I’m sure that no matter what I’d do, these are already etched in their hearts.

I know. I’ve had one failure too many. For years, I have lived through a challenge that until today doesn’t want to desert me. In my life, victories always come by installments.

I have yet to fully recover from the severe battering I got, but I’m living on. So, I hope my friends will find the same courage to just cruise through the pain. Maybe it would help if we all believe that there is a proper time for everything. Just allow the future to unfold and understand things from there.

I have earlier thought to send inspirational text messages but I decided otherwise. So, I hope my friends will not misunderstand the silence. I just think that at this time, any intrusion into their peace will only break their brittle resolve.

But I do hope to see them soon in brighter spirits.

Thanks to All!

I MADE IT !!!

I PASSED THE BAR!!


(The throng at the Supreme Court yard.)































(Posted at my workstation today.)

Tired of Waiting

Everyone was all agog over the news yesterday: the Supreme Court has scheduled a special session to hear Satur Ocampo's petition for certiorari. So what about it? Well, the over-eager bar examinees saw something beyond it. The prevailing thought was that the deliberations on the release of the bar results will be inserted during the discussions.

That the hearing on the Satur case was later re-scheduled to March 30 simply fueled the speculations. "Lalabas na... lalabas na." With the whispers getting louder, some brave souls even started trooping to the SC.

But again, nothing.

"Bukas na naman daw." At 1:00 this morning, I still received a text message saying it could really be today. Damn!

Can't blame us though. We really are just tired of the continuing suspense. Everyone wants to move on, pronto! It's been months, for chrissakes!

"There's a session later today" said the latest note on my celphone.

"It's a jam session for the Supreme Court employees. Wanna come?"

Filipinos just have a weird sense of humor.

(Postscript: It's now being floated that the results will come out on the 29th. Or is it April? Whatever. Simply means another week/s of torture. I hate the suspense. Any suggestions on how I should spend the rest of the waiting days? I need to have a good diversion. Caveat: Nothing naughty please. I need to be saint-like until everything is over. lol)

P.S. to the P.S.

My "source" at the SC now says it's April 3. Confirmed na daw. Talaga lang ha? Game!!!

Another P.S.

Just a few seconds after I posted the last note, another "reliable source" from the SC texted that April 3 is for the decoding of the booklets only, not the release of the bar results. Ansaya!

The Countdown Begins

"Patience is power; with time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes silk."
—Chinese proverb

There is now talk of specific dates as to when the results of the 2006 bar examinations will fly off the Supreme Court’s tightly guarded vaults. “March 22”… so says the circling whisper. “ March 22” … so say the hushed tones that sound not so unlike voodoo chants.

Of course, we all realize that all that is idle talk. Plain rumors. No one, as of yet, knows just exactly when. And setting dates only makes the waiting more tension-filled, more nerve-wracking, more agonizing.

Why then do the bar hopefuls continue to feed on the rumors? Is ignorance not bliss? (If you'd only see the criss-crossing text messages, e-mails, chats and other conversations on the matter, you'll know what I mean.)

Let me have some uninformed guesses (sorry, my psychologist alter ego just jumped off the window). I guess we want to figure out the exact date because we want to determine when the waiting will end. Uncertainty cultivates gloom. I bet it’s easier to run the marathon when you know how far lies the finish line.

We all want to move forward after this – either we made it or we faltered. Whatever the results may be, we’d like to know ASAP so we may plan and decide on what to do next.

But the waiting is part of this challenge that we chose to take. To endure a little more brings us in communion with all those who have been through the same path. After this, we shall be brothers …(hopefully).

Yes, it doesn’t help that the results of the medical board exams were released yesterday only after a few days of waiting. Much as we would like to wish that the same be applied to the bar examination, I’m convinced that such will come not in the very near future. The fraternity of lawyers deeply treasures its traditions and I foresee no immediate abandonment of the rites and rituals that separate the legal profession from the other callings.

So to all of us 2006 bar examinees, let’s just run the entire course and have fun observing the countdown to nowhere. Anyway, one thing is sure in the scheme of things – the day of reckoning will definitely come.

Dreams

I dream of becoming a lawyer…

Literally.

Since the bar examinations, I really have not engaged in deep ponderings as regards the probable results.

First, it will just be a useless exercise. No matter how much effort I exert to foretell the future, it still will unfold as it should. So why bother?

Second, I already have scheduled when to really get fidgety and excited about it – only after my other important issue gets resolved. I can only worry about problems one at a time. I surely can’t serve two demanding masters simultaneously.

And since my other major issue is still up there, waylaid in the kingdom beneath the clouds, I have no choice but to consciously avoid any indulgence on the what-ifs of the bar exams. Any conversation getting towards that realm is thus immediately dismissed. And I guess I was quite successful in maintaining my nonchalance. Or so I thought.

Because I just realized, there really is no escaping the subconscious. Repressed thoughts and deep yearnings just have other means of disturbing and creating ripples unto reality.

Through dreams.

I now could count about six times that I vividly dreamt of the results of the examinations. In all those instances, I fortunately passed. (He he. I know what you’re thinking about the proverbial nature of dreams, pero wag naman po sana! Knock on wood!)

That, by far meant six times of waking up frustrated, exhausted and cold. By Jove! Those dreams just seemed so beautifully real! If only I have to power to exchange that world with reality…

When we were in law school, our professors repeatedly warned us that the waiting is the harder part. Probably. No one flourishes under the ominous clouds of uncertainty.

But for the past months, I guess I have successfully diverted my energies to other concerns and have lessened the ravages of frustration and fear -- at least during my waking hours.

It’s when I’m asleep where I’m vulnerable.

Does any one of you know how to suppress one’s dreams?

Nakakailang blow-out na kasi ako sa panaginip. Tapos, wala lang pala. Magastos! (he he)

At kung sakaling baligtad naman ang resulta, sinong idedemanda ko for the moral damage, humiliation and sleepless nights brought about by the false promises?

Help!! :-)