Dreams

I dream of becoming a lawyer…

Literally.

Since the bar examinations, I really have not engaged in deep ponderings as regards the probable results.

First, it will just be a useless exercise. No matter how much effort I exert to foretell the future, it still will unfold as it should. So why bother?

Second, I already have scheduled when to really get fidgety and excited about it – only after my other important issue gets resolved. I can only worry about problems one at a time. I surely can’t serve two demanding masters simultaneously.

And since my other major issue is still up there, waylaid in the kingdom beneath the clouds, I have no choice but to consciously avoid any indulgence on the what-ifs of the bar exams. Any conversation getting towards that realm is thus immediately dismissed. And I guess I was quite successful in maintaining my nonchalance. Or so I thought.

Because I just realized, there really is no escaping the subconscious. Repressed thoughts and deep yearnings just have other means of disturbing and creating ripples unto reality.

Through dreams.

I now could count about six times that I vividly dreamt of the results of the examinations. In all those instances, I fortunately passed. (He he. I know what you’re thinking about the proverbial nature of dreams, pero wag naman po sana! Knock on wood!)

That, by far meant six times of waking up frustrated, exhausted and cold. By Jove! Those dreams just seemed so beautifully real! If only I have to power to exchange that world with reality…

When we were in law school, our professors repeatedly warned us that the waiting is the harder part. Probably. No one flourishes under the ominous clouds of uncertainty.

But for the past months, I guess I have successfully diverted my energies to other concerns and have lessened the ravages of frustration and fear -- at least during my waking hours.

It’s when I’m asleep where I’m vulnerable.

Does any one of you know how to suppress one’s dreams?

Nakakailang blow-out na kasi ako sa panaginip. Tapos, wala lang pala. Magastos! (he he)

At kung sakaling baligtad naman ang resulta, sinong idedemanda ko for the moral damage, humiliation and sleepless nights brought about by the false promises?

Help!! :-)