Signing Off; Temporarily

Off to my island in Samar I go. Will blog as soon as I get back to civilization. :-)

Hu u?

There was a missed call notice on my phone when I checked it last night. It came from an unregistered number. Thinking it could be urgent, I texted:

Me: Hus dis pls?
Reply: Mami. Wer u?

I don’t know of anyone named Mami in my entire life, so I clarified:

Me: Pancit Mami? :-)
Reply: Cno ka?

Then I know I was communicating with a lost soul. With nothing much to do, I decided to just have fun.

Me: Ikaw kaya ang tumawag sa akin.
Mami: Walanghiya ka! Ninakaw mo ang celfon! Hindi ka na naawa sa may-ari! Ni hndi ka man lang nagpalit ng SIM!!

Whoa!! I didn’t know where that came from. But then of course, I was not about to give up on what was brewing to be one exciting exchange.

Me: Sori po. Binigay lang po sa akin ang SIM na to. Kanino ba to? Bigay mo na lang address para masoli ko.
Mami: Ang kapal mo! Magnanakaw! Tamaan ka sana ng kidlat. Sana sumabog ang celfon!
Me: Sori po talaga. Mabait po ako. Gusto mo textm8 na lng tayo.
Mami: Cheap mo! Alam ko bad person ka! Gusto mo, katulong na lang namin textm8 mo!

Hmm. Sino kaya yun? :-)

Bar '07: Last Sunday

Pardon me, Your Honors!

I know that I have already talked about the bar exams for quite a number of times, but I just learned yesterday that my former classmates and schoolmates are reading this humble blog. And since they saw me taking pictures, they sure would like to see them posted here. So please indulge me. :-)

****

This year’s exams went well. The time for the agonizing wait has come. But all that is part of the process. Come March or April, a new batch of lawyers will be signing the Roll of Attorneys.

To all the bar hopefuls, here’s wishing you the best of luck!

Happy Birthday, Virgos!

My Friendster shout-out says: “ This lifetime is not enough for all my dreams, but I’ll still chase as many as I can.” That’s why I can’t help but be bugged by birthdays – it’s like having a drillmaster angrily shouting “double time!!” at me. The way things are, I’m not even half past my roster of ambitions. And with age catching up on me, I dread the prospect of even decelerating.

But someone did say, “once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.” With that in mind, I guess I’ll just have to push myself and focus on the things I do best. Maybe then, at the end of the road, getting old may not really be that bad.

So today, I’ll just be happy. And I wish that all others who just celebrated or having birthdays soon, will find contentment in what they do. To Gibbs Cadiz, Atty. Jeff Balmores, Glenn Guardiano, my brother Dino and all other Virgos, cheers!

Celebrating Life

In a few days, I will be celebrating my birthday.

Yes, celebrating – as I have not done so for quite a while, or the past six years to be exact. In the past, my birthdays have always been occasions for get-together among friends and relatives, but when that terrible event in 2001 struck me, it became unbearably difficult for me to celebrate personal milestones.

But the milieu has changed drastically. This has been a good year, not just for me, but my loved ones as well. And with the crisis resolved, I now have a better appreciation of life. You see, when fate plays tricks on you, the initial reaction is to despise life and the roller-coaster ride it brings. Misfortunes are usually questioned, as we claim not having done anything to deserve soul-shattering setbacks.

Six years ago, in a moment of deep depression, I was ready to take the extreme course. I thought the future holds nothing worth fighting for. Ready to throw in the towel, I wrote this ….

Life, indeed, is a very difficult mystery to fathom. I have tried not confronting the questions it has raised in my mind for years now, but it does have its own way of getting my attention.

I thought I’d peacefully run life’s course by looking at it from my point of view - where all other lives revolve around me, where the events outside my sphere are virtually unimportant. Not that I thought I would be invincible, but I did believe at certain times, that many things are within my control – that how I’d live is mine to choose.

Until this misfortune came.

For once in my life, I am now confronted by the fact that other people’s actions could affect my life so drastically. I am now faced with the realization that I could end up having no control or bearing no possible influence at all, with the life ahead of me.

I have been told, that there really comes a time when one surrenders to the forces outside his realm. Sometimes, they say, the best way to meet a raging wave is to float through it. It may not lead us to the point we aim to reach, but it could bring us to someplace far better than the one we wanted.

I wish I could be that positive, but there are limits to how rosy a picture could be painted. I can’t imagine myself letting go when I could logically figure out the deluge of difficulties waiting to crush me all through the entire path. Chances are, at the end of it all, I’ll just be a helpless, miserable, lifeless being, so why would I allow the forces of Fate bring my already tired self there?

I could only say no to that prospect. True, I may in the end regret not having allowed myself the chance to see how actually life would eventually unfold, but at least I will have the consolation of being able to decide on things while my will still mattered. It may indeed be a matter of pride that I could not let myself to be tossed by fate, but such pride is simply a manifestation of how I love myself. I want to preserve the gains I’ve had in this lifetime, and if clinging on to my self worth will keep me from being degraded, so be it.

I know that I have in various ways touched many other lives and I can only have the faintest idea as to how my presence means to each of them. But still, these lives, whatever may their connections be with mine, are by themselves independent, and my loss may just feel like passing through a pothole in the road – causing a shock but not enough to stop the journey. Life for them, will still follow the course they choose to lead. But for me, it ends here.

Were it not for the unwavering care and support of newly-found friends in the foreign land where I was stationed at the time, things would have taken a dangerous turn.

And looking back, that would have been very, very stupid.

Shut Up, Chavit!

I have yet to finish reading the Sandiganbayan decision on the Erap case.

But early in the first few pages of the kilometric decision, it was already pretty clear that as to the allegations on the jueteng collection, Chavit Singson was right in the middle of the illegal activities. In his testimony, he particularly admitted to being the collector of the kickbacks.

Now, is there anyone in this world who believes that he acted merely as bagman and record-keeper? That he simply distributed all those huge sums with nothing going to his own craving pocket? Please raise your hands so I could kill you.

I have no beef with Estrada being adjudged guilty. Let his expensive lawyers speak in his defense.

What gets my goat is seeing Chavit Singson proclaiming himself like he was the Messiah of the Philippine justice system. Immediately after the verdict, he talked of vindication for his sacrifice, of Estrada rightfully belonging to the cells of Muntinlupa and of the judgment being a stern warning to deter further corruption. Uggh! Ang kapal! If there is any one fit to be in jail with Erap, it is him! If the investigators weren’t only inept, there wouldn’t have been need to compromise with him and declare him a state witness.

But that now is water under the bridge. What I only wish is for him to just fade from the limelight. Can’t this @#%^&!! just disappear in peace? Nakakairita e. Nalampaso na nga sa eleksyon, feeling sikat pa rin!

Dazed... Muted

So many things have happened recently…
Things that impact a lot on my future…
And the way I look at life.

My life will take a different spin,

from hereon.

But for some reason…
I can’t summon the will to talk about them…
I can’t even muster the strength to celebrate.
Or cry.

I’m still dazed…
By the turn of events.
It’s not me, but I’m speechless.
For once.

A Dead-Drunk Weekend

I’ve already made it clear to my high school classmates that I will not be home Saturday night, but they still arrived. Imagine the panic of my brother who had to find ways to entertain them while he frantically tried locating me! It’s a good thing the visitors brought food with them, but just the same, there really is nothing funny with an unannounced visit. Or in this case, an announced but already declined visit.

I really had no choice but to cancel my other commitments for the night. I didn’t want to look “pa-importante”. And besides, who would argue against friends who visit you to celebrate your birthday?

Nope, my birthday is still in the forthcoming weeks. But traditionally, its observance is not limited to the day itself. I’m not even sure now if it’s really the day that we were celebrating – maybe we were just looking for an excuse to drink beyond our regular capacities.

Now I’m bracing for more belly-filling days ahead. Just over the weekend, I had to go through three separate drinking sessions. First with the classmates from 7 pm Saturday to Sunday 2 a.m., then from out of the blue, another group of friends knock in at 2:20 am!!! That lasted until 5:00 am. I slept until 11:00 a.m. As soon as I woke up, I asked a friend to fetch me so we could have lunch outside. But the restaurant we were targeting was full. So we decided to just raid another friend’s kitchen for lunch.

Lo and behold, we were greeted by another roundtable of beer-guzzling drunkards! Arrrgh!

My Turn To Get Mushy

There's this unexplainable feeling of loneliness that stealthily creeps into my consciousness these days. It must be because the “ber” months have rushed in. It has always been this period when I get a little sentimental, as I take stock of the many things lacking in my life.

This morning, for one reason or another, I revisited old diskettes gathering dust in my "chest of treasures". As I tried opening some, this letter, received from an e-mail more than five years ago, struck me like it were just yesterday that I was reading it.

You see, nothing much has changed. I still share the same sentiments.

Read on..

Dear Whoever You Are out there,

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me. If like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.

I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is! You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.

I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice.

After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey.

But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

Bar Exams -1st Sunday

Forgive me folks if I'm engaging in nostalgia. You see, it's been a year since I took the Bar Exams. I didn't get to talk about my experiences then since I started blogging only while waiting for the results.

Now I'm seeing how I was that day. Reliving how things went, it just feels great that I am not in the same situation again.

Here Comes the Fiesta!

Oops!

Actually, the Supreme Court has recently issued guidelines to control the bar operations activities in front of De La Salle –Taft. Among those were:

Prohibition of Noisy Activities. - No noisy activity of any kind shall be allowed in the perimeter area sorrounding the venue of the Bar Examinations from 8:00 A.M. to 5:00 P.M. on any of the four(4) Sundays of the Bar Examinations.

Proper Decorum to be Observed. - No improper or unbecoming conduct in the same area shall be allowed, such as streaking, ati-atihan, bands, fiesta-like activities, that causes disruption or disturbance to the examinees at any time on the day or the eve of the examinations.

Standard to Followed. - The standard to be followed is that of a hearing in court. The examinations are in the nature of a court proceedings and therefore the appropriate conduct to be observed at or near the said proceedings is the same as that at or near a court hearing.

But tell that to the Law Schools which have been preparing for this event even before the release of the past year’s results. Tell that to the Law School fraternities, the members of which expect nothing but the best accommodations from their brods. Traditions die hard, you know.

For my Alma Mater, the Bar Ops just reached crazy proportions. While last year’s was modest (but we actually appreciated the fact that there was not much frenzy during the night prior to the exam day), the send-off this year was uncharacteristically lavish. Imagine this:

A special celebration of the Mass … (which we had)

A helicopter showering confetti on the school grounds …
A brass band playing marching tunes …
A serenade from a Star in A Million finalist …
Pakain galore..
A long caravan/motorcade complete with police escorts, canine and bomb squads.
My, oh my!

I don’t think such feat can ever be duplicated. We were actually kidding that had our send-off been as grand, we would have gotten the inspiration to land the Top Ten. But the truth is, we really wouldn't have wanted such attention. such just would have added to the pressure. That's why, with so much fanfare, this year's barristers will really be hard-pressed to do good. Actually, better than last year, which was already tagged as the best ever result for the school.

As if the hell they've been through was not enough.

I wish them the best of luck.